Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Waiting in the Wings

It's been almost a month since my last post, and I have a flurry of good excuses. It turns out that writing regularly develops a productivity habit (go figure!), and that led me back to some neglected scripts. That momentum led to designing our Paper Moon Repertory webpage and getting the ball rolling on building our new company...meeting with a mentor, discussing non-profits. And that momentum led me to...

Wait a minute. Where did my work go? Shit. Switch gears. Find more work.

Sign up for a course in Real Estate. Add new part-time job at a broker's office. Plan wedding (which is in 2 months). I am at a computer/desk for about 17 hours a day.

Wait a minute. How in the hell did this happen? Where did my creative momentum go? Where did my money go? And when can I have that and all of my time back, please?

Few things are more frustrating than when you've begun creating something, you're motivated, and it seems like work stands in the way of any opportunity you have to continue something that you're passionate about. In essence, I want my freelance life back. Back in that life, I was able to manage my own schedule without needing to juggle the demands of 2 bosses, a theater director, and my agent who wants me to drop all 3 of the aforementioned at a moment's notice for a 1 in 135 chance at being in a commercial. Having so many people that I'm accountable to is doubly frustrating on the heels of being a freelancer. I enjoyed my freelance work so much that it never seemed like work, I knew what my clients wanted, and I didn't worry about paying the bills. All of that has completely changed.

What I miss most of all is that I could pursue theatre constantly. Have an audition on Thursday? I'll be there. Need me at rehearsals for 20 hours this week? I'll be there. And I'll still have time to write a script and build a company. And sleep.

Sigh.

Just feeling incredibly tired and like I'm farther away from my goals than I've been in years. And I don't have enough hours in the day to change that. I know that once the wedding is over and my real estate classes have been completed that time will be freed up. I'm heading in the right direction--I just don't have a whole lot of steam left.

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