It's been almost a month since my last post, and I have a flurry of good excuses. It turns out that writing regularly develops a productivity habit (go figure!), and that led me back to some neglected scripts. That momentum led to designing our Paper Moon Repertory webpage and getting the ball rolling on building our new company...meeting with a mentor, discussing non-profits. And that momentum led me to...
Wait a minute. Where did my work go? Shit. Switch gears. Find more work.
Sign up for a course in Real Estate. Add new part-time job at a broker's office. Plan wedding (which is in 2 months). I am at a computer/desk for about 17 hours a day.
Wait a minute. How in the hell did this happen? Where did my creative momentum go? Where did my money go? And when can I have that and all of my time back, please?
Few things are more frustrating than when you've begun creating something, you're motivated, and it seems like work stands in the way of any opportunity you have to continue something that you're passionate about. In essence, I want my freelance life back. Back in that life, I was able to manage my own schedule without needing to juggle the demands of 2 bosses, a theater director, and my agent who wants me to drop all 3 of the aforementioned at a moment's notice for a 1 in 135 chance at being in a commercial. Having so many people that I'm accountable to is doubly frustrating on the heels of being a freelancer. I enjoyed my freelance work so much that it never seemed like work, I knew what my clients wanted, and I didn't worry about paying the bills. All of that has completely changed.
What I miss most of all is that I could pursue theatre constantly. Have an audition on Thursday? I'll be there. Need me at rehearsals for 20 hours this week? I'll be there. And I'll still have time to write a script and build a company. And sleep.
Sigh.
Just feeling incredibly tired and like I'm farther away from my goals than I've been in years. And I don't have enough hours in the day to change that. I know that once the wedding is over and my real estate classes have been completed that time will be freed up. I'm heading in the right direction--I just don't have a whole lot of steam left.
Showing posts with label theatre. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theatre. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
A Sheep Dog and No Sheep
Let me begin with a confession. Before I disappoint, it's not a dark or intriguing one that necessitates a kneeling bench or dim lighting--although I can be swayed to invent such a confession if it suits your reading pleasure. Perhaps that's sufficient bait to get you to the end of this post.
My confession, though, is simply that I was wrong about blogs. They do serve many purposes. (Travis Bedard, take joy in this victory and relish the fact that I'm admitting I'm wrong.) In fact, admission is the point of this blog. When did I need a map (where we all took wrong turns), and how have I learned to correct the wheel and choose better roads? Here's what I needed to know in the last decade. In serial form. Unless I decide to write about something else.
I've been trained to write. Somehow, Northwestern decided I'd be a poet (I take only partial blame). They trained with great fervor. It didn't quite take, as I'm more of an essayist with bad form--but the impulse to write is there. Courtesy of Northwestern and life, I've also been trained to act. And to throw pots (on a wheel, not on stage). And to paint and play the piano...perhaps simultaneously on said stage if a script calls for it. I've pursued all interests I have, resulting in a somewhat confusing resume that makes me almost right for lots of jobs that I have no interest in. Bravo, liberal arts!
I've had stints on magazines, roles on stage, and illustrations in production meetings, but these are fleeting and need constant pursuit. When I'm between projects, I truly am a sheep dog in a small backyard. Without the tasks I've been trained to do, I'll dig up the flowers.
Enter the blog.
I'm not sure if a blog will be a diversion or a re-direction, but it certainly is a forum to work on my craft and force me to look up the spellings of words. So, welcome to my page that keeps me occupied and philosophizing. Not sure why you're here instead of trying to arrange the purchase of a deeply discounted, obsolete item on Craigslist, but I hope we all learn something along the way. At a greatly reduced price.
And, as promised, here's my false confession fit for a Catholic (says the non-practicing Protestant Irish-Jewess): I never said the "Hail Marys" the priest advised. I was too busy digging up the flowers after my last show; and, honestly, does repeating a phrase make all of that mayhem ok?
My confession, though, is simply that I was wrong about blogs. They do serve many purposes. (Travis Bedard, take joy in this victory and relish the fact that I'm admitting I'm wrong.) In fact, admission is the point of this blog. When did I need a map (where we all took wrong turns), and how have I learned to correct the wheel and choose better roads? Here's what I needed to know in the last decade. In serial form. Unless I decide to write about something else.
I've been trained to write. Somehow, Northwestern decided I'd be a poet (I take only partial blame). They trained with great fervor. It didn't quite take, as I'm more of an essayist with bad form--but the impulse to write is there. Courtesy of Northwestern and life, I've also been trained to act. And to throw pots (on a wheel, not on stage). And to paint and play the piano...perhaps simultaneously on said stage if a script calls for it. I've pursued all interests I have, resulting in a somewhat confusing resume that makes me almost right for lots of jobs that I have no interest in. Bravo, liberal arts!
I've had stints on magazines, roles on stage, and illustrations in production meetings, but these are fleeting and need constant pursuit. When I'm between projects, I truly am a sheep dog in a small backyard. Without the tasks I've been trained to do, I'll dig up the flowers.
Enter the blog.
I'm not sure if a blog will be a diversion or a re-direction, but it certainly is a forum to work on my craft and force me to look up the spellings of words. So, welcome to my page that keeps me occupied and philosophizing. Not sure why you're here instead of trying to arrange the purchase of a deeply discounted, obsolete item on Craigslist, but I hope we all learn something along the way. At a greatly reduced price.
And, as promised, here's my false confession fit for a Catholic (says the non-practicing Protestant Irish-Jewess): I never said the "Hail Marys" the priest advised. I was too busy digging up the flowers after my last show; and, honestly, does repeating a phrase make all of that mayhem ok?
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